Piers Morgan is in quite a dilemma! He needs to escape from his immortal prison.

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1. The lift arrives at the lobby. You're almost free! However, as soon as the glass doors reveal the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, the Illuminati guards step in the way! You'll need to fight to escape. What do you do?

  • Squeeze their pressure points.
  • Punch them in the face.
  • Tempt them with dank memes.
  • Staring contest.
  • Knee them in the balls (triangles)
  • Boot them in the chest.
  • Thwak them around the back of the neck.
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Other questions in this quiz

2. Resisting your moves, the leader starts to monologue. "I hung you from the top of the Sail so that you'd die and I'd inherit your crazy fortune!"

  • Tell them you paid all of your money to the roof guards in order to escape.
  • Poo yourself 16 times (and once more for good luck)
  • Gasp in horror.
  • Use the foarse.
  • Throw a C4 into the Illuminati king's mouth.
  • Tell them you're actually a demolitions expert.
  • Tell them you're not Piers Morgan.

3. You wake up handcuffed to a golf club, hanging off the side of the Dubai Sail. What do you do?

  • Pay them 22798959.69 Russian Rubles.
  • Call your private jet to pick you up, since you're absolutely loaded, and drop you off on the roof. To avoid further conflict, you pay your captors a wealthy cash bribe.
  • Pay your captors to release you, since you're absolutely loaded.
  • Tempt your captors with a cash bribe.
  • Tip your captors for a good trap.
  • Write them a cheque for £200,000 dubai dollars.
  • Pay them.

4. You've paid off your captors with £200,000 dubai dollars. Making your way back into the building you are determined to escape. However, out of nowhere, you're ambused by Pepe the Frog, John Cena and Snoop Dogg? What do you do?

  • Pay the memes to let you go.
  • Criticise the memes for being unoriginal.
  • Do nothing.
  • Juggle R500 notes.
  • Accept your fate and await the sweet release of death.
  • Appease the memes individually, by smoking with Snoop Dogg, finding Pepe some rare partners, and touring the USSR as a co-wrestler with John Cena.
  • Drop a smoke bomb and bail.

5. In response to your unruly move, the Illuminatis explode. What now?

  • Escape.
  • Drink raw fish.
  • Drink yourself.
  • Kill yourself.
  • Drink vodka.
  • Submit to your Stockholm Syndrome and return to the top of the Sail, hanging yourself from the golf club once again.
  • Drink memes.






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