sheila

• It feels like everyone who ever made the mistake of touching eva smith was there this night.
• When i heard about eva and my part in the role, i thought i killed eva smith but then i realised we all did!
• We all played a part in this.
• Like it was a game. Not realising that this game we were all playing is reality. Eva’s reality.
• The choices we made ruined her. Gave over.

• Now I'm not sure what happened.
• Our family has a gift for self preservation.
• But theres a point when you go from survivor to predator and i guess thats what happened to us.
• Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch.

• We cant just ignore what happened after we realised the inspector was just a hoax.
• That doesn't change things.
• the inspector was fake but our actions weren't. Eva wasn't. Even knowing that the inspector is fake still makes me bottled up with guilt.
• Unlike my father who is practically celebrating the death of this girl
• i know what i did was wrong. Nothing is going to change that. 

• Yes, i know i was wrong to misuse my power against someone of the lower-class.
• But I was overthrown with envy and took advantage of her vulnerable state.
• i wasn't thinking straight.
• i felt like the only way of overcoming my sadness was by putting her in misery.
• Although it made me feel better at the time it was stupid and i hate myself for it.

• After being confronted by the inspector i came to realisation. i realised that what i did... i mean what we did was completely irrational and disgusting.
• Earlier on before i faced the inspector
• i never once considered the lives of those of the lower class.
• i never once tried to understand the struggles that people go through. i was blind.
• Leading up to leaving, the inspector gave us a speech worth remembering. It left us ALL speechless.
• He warned us, stating that if we didn't change our ways everything would end in "blood fire and anguish:

• After being confronted by the inspector i came to realisation. i realised that what i did... i mean what we did was completely irrational and disgusting.
• Earlier on before i faced the inspector i never once considered the lives of those of the lower class.
• i never once tried to understand the struggles that people go through. i was blind.
• Leading up to leaving, the inspector gave us a speech worth remembering. It left us ALL speechless. He warned us, stating that if we didn't change our ways everything would end in "blood fire and anguish:

I wanted eva fired because when i went to millwards to get a dress.

i found one i really liked yet when eva tried it on she looked a lot better.

my self esteem dropped and jealousy took over me.

i didn't know what to do, i was just angry.

i went to the manager and demanded for have her fired.

after that i didn't really think much of it until now.

now I've realised that by getting her fired i just fed the fire my father created. and now because of all of us adding to the fire, she's gone. 

• Unlike me and Eric
• our parents have had a difficult time accepting and acknowledging the fact that we all were part of this disaster
• i feel like this is because of the differences between our generation
• and that we have different understandings and responsibilities.
• Our parents only care about their reputation and not about whats right.

• Admitting to the inspector about what i have done
• made me feel like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
• i felt disgusting for what I had done
• and the fact that i added to the death of this girl
• still makes me sick to my stomach.
• I'm truly sorry for my actions
• but sometimes sorry isn't enough.
• like now.
• sorry really isn't enough.
• It wont bring her back. We killed her.