My Monologue

Can you imagine me being a mother? Me! Little Josephine. Ha, like if, you must be daft. But you ain’t, I am gonna be a mother. A mother of a little colored baby. Oh god, this ain’t gonna be good. I can’t do this; I can’t do this. I can’t have Jimmies baby. Come on I’m only 18. I’m still learning myself. How can I teach a baby how to live its life when I ain’t even living my own?

I always get the worst luck in the world! I dint know what to do, I’m usually not this emotional but …. I can’t do this; I can’t live like this. I don’t want a colored baby or any baby and I don’t want a mum who doesn’t care for me and who left me for money, a big house and a guy she didn't even know, I don’t wanna live with him, I can’t get all these looks anymore. I need help but I don’t want it. Ahhh! I don’t know what to do!!!!

The looks I already get from living with Geoff, because, you know, he is one of them. He is a…. a…. a. a man who likes other men! I know, I mean first I am going to have a colored baby because my Black Prince, Jimmie was colored! And now this, I am living with a gay man. There I said it. Oh man, he is really helpful, well was until he got me that stupid doll that was the wrong color because he thinks I should keep the baby when I’m not as I keep telling him I don’t want to be a mother, I will kill it!

God, think about the looks I’ll get, I mean I get looks now with this great heaving bump attached to me, but what about afterwards, when I’m strolling down the street with my baby, my colored baby, god I can’t bear to think about it. I don’t want people to think funny things of me, I don’t usually care but I have to now. Oh no, people will think I’m a freak and I’m daft when I’m not am I? No, maybe oh!

And what if I become like my mother, a heartless woman who don’t care for her child. One who spends her nights sleeping with hundreds of men or in the pub drinking till she faints whilst her child’s at home, crying themselves to bed. I can’t let my child live like that, to grow up with the only parent she knows like that. My baby can’t be me, I I won’t let it, I’ll bash its brains out before its born, I’ll do anything to get rid of it.