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Adult Child, Dead Child ­ By Claire Dowie

When you are a child and you don't get any love, when there is no love. When you get this feeling that you can't explain; this feeling inside you
but you can't explain. You don't know what it is; you can't say…

Page 2

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Before we moved I asked my mum where London was and she said it was hundreds of miles away. I was very worried about it, staying with
these friends of my parents and Andrew. A hundred miles is a long way to run when you're eight.
I remember being very…

Page 3

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for imaginary friends. Stupid. Benji was still there, I could hear her, I could feel her, she talked to me, I played with her and we did things
together.

Little things, easy things. So what if that ornament got broken? It just sat there anyway, didn't do anything and if…

Page 4

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Will you stop that Benji stuff, it was you.
No it was Benji.
Look it was you, now just stop it, you're too old for all that rubbish.
But she did.

I was too old for imaginary friends but Benji was still with me, even so I got the blame,…

Page 5

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rack in woodwork. Mr Kent said I was an idiot. I was proud of my toast rack. Mr Kent said it was crap. Mr Kent said I was useless. Mr Kent said I
was a worthless specimen of a human being. Mr Kent went on and on till Benji jumped…

Page 6

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hatred, this feeling of hatred. This feeling of hatred and mistrust for these people. These adults who had the power but wouldn't help so you
build a wall around you.
Lunatic
Lunacy
Loony
Mad
Insane

I didn't know anything about psychiatrists or mental health or anything; except what I'd heard…

Page 7

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And my parents slowly stopped punishing me

My parents slowly stopped
And the school was tipped off and eased off
And my sister called me a loony when no one was around
And when the therapist asked if things were better I said yes
And they never asked about Benji…

Page 8

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because you are aware of the lack of love and the wall gets stronger and the anger grows because you are aware of the adult power. You are
aware of the adult power and the lack of love and the anger grows and the wall gets stronger because frustration comes.…

Page 9

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.... And then I didn't. I had no job, no money, no friends. I sat in my bedsit like I sat in the cupboard. My parents were quite good. Sent me the
odd tenner through the post, but they never visited. I sat in my bedsit like I sat in…

Page 10

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But I do.
You shouldn't, it's ok. You were just letting off steam, that's all.
No it isn't ... its Benji.

I told him about Benji, I told him all about Benji. How she was, who she was, where she came from, everything. I told him about how I decided…

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AllieSpencer

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This is brilliant - so useful!

anthonyching1

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banta

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