Havisham

Beloved sweetheart *******. Not a day since thenI haven't wished him dead, Prayed for itso hard I've dark green pebbles for eyes, ropes on the back of my hands I could strangle with.Spinster. I stink and remember. Whole daysin bed cawing Nooooo at the wall; the dressyellowing, trembling if I open the wardrobe;the slewed mirror, full-length, her, myself, who did this to me? Puce curses that are sounds not words.Some nights better, the lost body over me,my fluent tongue in its mouth in its ear then down till I suddenly bite awake. Love's hate behind a white veil; a red balloon burstingin my face. Bang. I stabbed at a wedding-cake.Give me a male corpse for a long slow honeymoon.Don't think it's only the heart that b-b-b-breaks.